PragnyaParadh roughly translates to "crimes against one's own wisdom". Its a concept in Ayurveda (and Vedanta and Yoga) which implies conscience without the christian overlay of sin. I like this term because it summarizes neatly the importance of the Truth within, as well as identifies the consequences of ignoring that small clear voice. Disease happens because of PradnyaParadh - not taking care of ourselves when we know better. All difficult challenges are made worse because of this - to know better after all, is to have the opportunity to do better. Free will is what allows us to make those choices.
I have been working with this in a practical way in the realm of addictions and attachments - to food, to alcohol, to drugs, to people/places/things. The difficult part that I find is that I cannot UNknow a thing. Especially when the thing I want to unknow is the illumination of my own ignorance. Practically speaking, I am working on my liver - this magic sensitive beautiful organ that filters and processes and purifies all that I ingest from the outside world. Even the adrenaline I produce in response to the emotions I take in. It is a lovely hard worker that I have managed to ride hard over the last 20 years of alcohol and drug and meat and drama intake. And it shows me both its frailties and its strengths all the time.
I mentioned in a conversation today that I was giving my liver a break from all of the abuse I had dished out to it over the years. And that as soon as I stopped drinking, I started losing weight - partially because my liver wasn't focused on getting rid of poison, and could turn its attention to metabolism of food. The word abuse struck a chord in the person I talked to, and he began to "defend my liver". I think I am defending it by not drinking, but more to the point, I was frustrated by his defensive projection - that somehow my choice is a judgment of HIS choices. This has happened to me before - my life choices and experiences triggering fear and defense in other people. It happened when I came back from Boulder after losing 40lbs and starting to exercise, quit smoking and stopped drinking. And its happening now that I am not drinking, drugging or eating meat.
I have a tendency to choose approval over disapproval, even when its to my own detriment. Partly the ease of the road most taken. This journey to India is a spiritual continuation of a demanding physical cleansing process I have been on for the last 3 years. I hope to keep holding that space for myself of knowingness - of continuing my commitment to my own health and welfare. Even when that makes other's uncomfortable - whether its with me or with their own choices.
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